Big Butt
by cgaussie01
Summary: Roxanne finally asks Megamind the question. Will he survive?


Shopping was, by far, the most mundane of tasks for the ex-evil genius. He hated how he had to walk through malls in the open and be gawked at by people, he hated by just how many stores there were with their goods on display like flowers advertising themselves to bees, he hated the ugly music that was playing over the sound system and he hated all the people who walked around there. Numerous times he had just narrowly avoided being run over by women with pushers, or just plain walked into by people despite him being who he was.

Just what Roxanne liked about shopping he would never, ever know. But she was good at it, most certainly. His arms were laden with bags of dresses, pants, tops, shoes, scarves, bags, hats, gloves... a whole new wardrobe with her since the weather was changing. He wondered to himself just how much a reporter earned a year, obviously a lot because many of these articles of clothing were over one hundred big ones each.

He groaned as Roxanne spotted another store she hadn't taken him into, that alone was a fete since he swore they had been in absolutely every clothing retail outlet in this miserable place. Why, why hadn't he destroyed this place 'by accident' when he was in his giant robot suit? Then he wouldn't have to put up with this kind of thing. Roxanne tugged him into the store and he trailed along besides her, trying to seem as though he was thoroughly interested in if that jacket would match with that scarf and boot combo, and other assorted things he could care less about.

"Okay I'm just gonna go try these on, sit over there!" she instructed, and like an obedient little alien boyfriend Megamind made his way to a sofa and collapsed into it, partly hidden from sight at first by the numerous shopping bags in his lap. Giving an aggravated noise he shoved them off, before positioning them in front of them and painfully rubbed his poor fingers that no doubt would be bruised beneath his gloves.

Megamind spotted another man trailing along behind his partner, and the two men shared a look of utter helplessness and yearning for freedom. The other man was soon tugged away, and vanished out of sight. Huffing to himself, Megamind looked around the store. Up on the walls were posters of models wearing the clothes, looking classy and pretty, far prettier than the normal average woman. The 'sale' signs were all over the place, drowning the soft pastel colors of the walls with bright glaring reds and yellows. How it hurt his eyes.

"Megamind? I need your opinion on something..." the dressing room door that Roxanne had vanished behind opened and she walked out wearing white pants with a red ruffled shirt. "I really like how these two look together but still," the woman turned around so her back was facing him then turned her head so she was looking at him from over her shoulder. "Does my butt look big in this?"

He had already been staring at her behind, so when the question came at him he really didn't have to look at her at all. His eyes, though, did widen considerably when he heard the question. Did she just ask what he thinks she just asked? She wants to know his opinion on whether her butt looked big in white pants? Why would she want to know that, it's what she wants to wear what matters not his opinion on things! Since when did she care about her butt? Didn't she like it?

Why would she not like having a big butt? It was one of the best things about her, how curvy she was down there. He would never admit to liking it, but maybe if he answered the right way it was in a way admitting to it? But what if that was the wrong thing to do? What if admitting to that yes, your butt looks huge in that and I love it would get his head knocked in? He didn't want that to happen. But god damn her butt did look big in that, lovely and curvy...! Megamind wanted to reach out and grab it, since he was allowed to do that. It was his right, as her boyfriend! But that only normally happened when they were alone and under covers. Never out in public, heavens no.

Oh god she was looking at him expectantly, but that look was slowly melting into annoyance. Sweat was beginning to run down his forehead, as his fingers twitched against one anothers. He still had no idea what to say which was kind of alarming since he had a natural talent for being a public speaker and voicing his opinion on basically any and everything yet over this simple little question he found himself dumbfounded.

He had two options, one was to be honest and say her butt did look big in it. The other was to say no it didn't. So should he lie to cover up the fact he liked her big butt, or should he be honest and admit to liking her big butt? Either way he felt that something negative would happen. What if this was a test, a test all boyfriends had to go through at some point? What awaited him, no matter his answer? Swallowing hard he lifted a hand and rubbed at his nose before mumbling.

"Didn't quite hear that." Roxanne said, having finally turned around so she was facing him, one hand resting on her hip.

"I said you look fine." Megamind said, dancing expertly around the object of her butt and whether or not it looked big.

"Aw, really?" she asked, smiling sweetly and doing a little spin. "Thank you!" and with that she vanished back into the dressing room, the door shutting behind her with a faint click.

Megamind almost deflated right there in his seat, managing to somehow cover up a large gasp of relief. He had avoided the question yet also given her a pleasing answer at the same time. He had avoided any glaring, or silent treatments, or stares of a disturbed girl who learnt something about her boyfriend she probably shouldn't have.

Good thing he was a genius, or he'd be in real trouble.


End file.
